Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
Want another joke? Look in the mirror.
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
Me: Knock, knock. You: Who's there? Me: Music. You: Music who? Answer: A guitar is a violin without a stick.
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.
So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"
So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!
You have more chins than a Hong Kong telephone book!
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!