Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
Add me on Fortnite, my user is liamonoce2004 :)
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted
I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”
Who are the fastest readers
9/11 victims they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds
What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?
The "curry muncher 2000."
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
Family photo.
What is it called when orphans take a selfie
A family photo
I made an orphans website but there was no homepage - because they don’t have a home
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels"
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer
Yo mama so fat, even thanos had to snap twice
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof? It depends on how thin you slice them.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
