Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
I always wear Puma, put my balls in your mouth.
These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?
You know why women wear tampons?
So the crabs could bungee jump!
You should bully orphans what are they going to do tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church
To finally call someone father 😂😂
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
Oh brother.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
Why is Death the world's biggest slut?
Death gets to f*** everyone.
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
Your hairline's less straight than my dad's.
