Never jokes
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."