Never jokes

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.

Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"

Me: "Nope."

Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."

Me: "You never said \"love\"".

Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"

Me: "Frick no."

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW