Never jokes

Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

Wanna hear a joke about corn?

Never mind, it's too corny.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.

What instrument can a skeleton never play?

An organ.

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.