Never jokes

Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...