Never jokes

Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?

They’re never straight with you.

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?

Because he never missed a beat!

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."

Why was the rapper always in good shape?

Because he never skipped a beat!

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀