Never jokes
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
What goes up but never goes down?
My grades.
(I wish)
Hey, I never knew we had a planet in our body!
Why are Liverpool not disabled friendly?
They never walk alone.
You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)
Never mind. You won't understand.
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
Charlen's hairline is sooooo fat because it was never brushed.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
What do the Twin Towers and a bad joke have in common? They never land well.
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."