Need Jokes

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

Why do orphans not play sport?

Because they need parents' permission.

I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.

What did the dick say to the asshole?

You need another dick.

Two people in a supermarket aisle. One is looking at an item on the left shelf, while the other is reaching for something on the right. The text above them reads: "Me pretending to need something else at the store until the person moves outta the stuff I actually need."

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

How did Steven Hawking die?

His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

A person went to tell a joke: "Knock knock!" "Who’s there?" "I don’t remember!" (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now.)

I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! 😂

I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.

Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.