Need jokes

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

I'm so friking dumb, even I need Joe Mama so fricking bad.

Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.

Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.

Hi, um okay... Knock! Knock! Who's there? Doris! Doris who? Doris look I need the key!

Um...oh here another one! Okay...so sorry I type random things on these joke sites...anyway...okay. What is a book never written: "Beautiful sites of the corel rife written by the ocean!"

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

Spiderman needs to fight against the emos, new movie idea!

Why do orphans not play sport?

Because they need parents' permission.

Knock knock. Who is there? Poo. Poo who? Hey, I need ta go poooooooooooop!

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"

Me and kid: hug.

Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.

I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.

What did the dick say to the asshole?

You need another dick.

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

How did Steven Hawking die?

His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?