Need jokes

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D

I'm at school and this website isn't blocked, and I need help on who did 9/11?

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...

I really need some new parts to my go-kart.

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?

Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?

Why do people play soccer?

Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.