Need jokes

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....

Why are Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently, a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.

I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have big dick. Add me.

Snapchat- any.bry05

You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.

All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.

My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.

Why should you lose your virginity to an autistic person?

Because virginity needs to be lost with someone special.

What is the most popular game at the orphanage?

Need For Speed: Most Wanted.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?

Because you need to planet.

Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with... CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

Some of you people on here are complete incels and need to learn how to spell and properly construct simplistic grammatical sentences that actually make sense.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

Knock knock.

Boo.

No need to cry, it was only a joke. Yeh, I can't think of anything.

Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.