Need jokes
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.
I'll call it Downtown.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.
And an exorcism.
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”
The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.
I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.