Need jokes
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
What did the rapper say at the bakery?
"I need ALL the dough you got!"
Why can’t orphans go on school trips?
They need a parent signature.
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES!
Why did the rapper bring a pencil to the concert?
In case he needed to drop some FRESH LINES.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.