My Jokes

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked why was I playing with my food.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

I told my mother i wanted a brother for Christmas The next day i saw her in the strip club across the street

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death so we smoked his ashes.

A Child asks his teacher to go to the toilet "before you go recite the alphabet" the teacher says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z "good but wheres the p?" "running down my leg"

what did the pedophile say to the kid. "roses are red ,my name is dan ,i have a gun get in the van"

I laugh when I realized that my suicide letter is way more longer than my sibling's college essay.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression it'll leave me too-

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb well it's not 53 cause my basements still dark

I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?" Friend: "Yeah, but you are too." Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What are some another names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".