My jokes

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?

When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.

My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?

I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

There lived a jackal in a forest. He did not get the day's food, so he was very hungry and wandered throughout the forest, but could not find any food. Finally, he decided to go to the city. As he was walking into the city, he heard some dogs bark. Soon, he found a group of dogs running towards him, so he rushed into a nearby house which belonged to a dyer and fell into a tub filled with blue dye. The dogs that were chasing him returned back as they could not find him. The jackal came out blue from the tub and went into the forest. Every animal in the forest was frightened to see a new animal. The jackal realized that all animals were afraid of him and took advantage of the situation. He called the animals towards him. The jackal said, "Oh my dear friends, I have been sent by gods in heaven to protect you all. I will be the king of this jungle." All the animals became very happy. Everyday they served him food and took care of all his needs. They came to him with all their problems and listened to what their king said. One day as the king jackal was sitting by the court, he heard a pack of jackals howling in the forest. For a long time, he had not heard these voices. He felt very happy, forgetting he was the king, he howled back immediately. All the animals knew who he really was and started chasing him in anger, but the jackal was already on the run.

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.

My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.

A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.

When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”

Random words in my keyboard:

The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."