My jokes

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

I'm sorry, none of my jokes are very punny.

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

Do you know what I found in my letter soup? A space.

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."