My jokes

What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.

Why did I f*** my dad?

So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

My life.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.

A joke, huh?

My sense of humor.

My name is Bob, and I am a cow.

My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?

Because it says "B Positive!"

My son.

I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?

My grandpa died to ligma :(

LIGMA BALLS!

My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."