My jokes

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

Some people decide to start a blog.

Others decide to start a blog.

You know what my sink started?

A clog.

My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.

Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot ;(

I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.

Jesse: Do you like my ball?

Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?

Jesse: No, they do not leave me.

You: You are such a flick pain.

Me: You are flick pain to my sight.

What do my cock and money have in common?

Your mom.

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.