My jokes

It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.

When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...

"I love you with all my heart."

Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.

My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

I love you, my new phone! 📲

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sister.

Sister who?

My sister's ass.

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

How many fat people are in my house?

20, counting the kids in the basement.

"Igma is my balls."

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?

Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!

One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.

It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.