My jokes

My teacher: Time can't count.

Me: Every second counts.

My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.

If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.

Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.

oOO laLA!

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

Wanna hear a short joke? Well duh, I mean that's why you're on here... Well, here one...

My life.

Shoutout to gil44200ns for commenting on my post!

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

Stick your head up someone's butt. What do you get? A Butthead!

"Get your butt out of my face!"

"Then get your face out of my butt!!!"

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

Stroke victims are my heroes.

My favorite is Louis C.K.

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

My life.

Kill me, please.