My jokes

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

My name has "anus" in it.

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

My teacher: Time can't count.

Me: Every second counts.

My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

Wanna hear a short joke? Well duh, I mean that's why you're on here... Well, here one...

My life.

Shoutout to gil44200ns for commenting on my post!

My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.

Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.

oOO laLA!

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

Stick your head up someone's butt. What do you get? A Butthead!

"Get your butt out of my face!"

"Then get your face out of my butt!!!"

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a BMW in my garage.

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."