My jokes

I'm the champion of this site. I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary Buddha.

Now for my joke...

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he never lands.

What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

I fucked the shit outta of my friend's mom with my 8 inch dick (Adrian). PS. Sorry, Adrian!

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!

Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?

Because they have no parents to run to.

Orphans: Where are my parents?

Random person: In the bed.

"Igma is my balls."

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”