My jokes
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
My sad ass life.
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"
I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
I love my name.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.