My jokes

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

I can't wait to have 2020 in my hindsight.

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

I like my COVID like I like my women: 19 and easy to spread.

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

I like my women like I like my diving pool:

Deep and wet.

My teacher: Oliver will be transitioning.

Me: tRaNsItIoNiNg!!!!

My teacher: He will be transitioning from primary school to secondary school.

Me: I thought you meant another transitioning...

A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”

The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”

Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?

Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?

Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.

Stranger: Do you need a doctor?

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."

Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,

"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."

And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”