My jokes
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
Sometimes I look at my butt for a really, really long time, and suddenly it all becomes clear to me.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Me: Spell "I cup."
My Friend: I see you pee.
Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!
My Friend: Oh hehe O-O
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.
Dear Kenya, love of life,
Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!
Love you a million times more!
Gwen I set out some chats for us just got to pr!
Btw I can't chat because I lost my internet stuff, so I am using my school computer. I don't have long, but I will make sure to have some time 4 u.
Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?
"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."
-Mully- This is my mom left!!
I can't wait to have 2020 in my hindsight.