My jokes

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

My social life.

You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.

Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

"Igma is my balls."

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing.

The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor.

In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.