My jokes
Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?
My life.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
My brother truly is a numbskull.
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
My life, part 2.
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
I love riding my bike 🚲.
Dinosaurs be like:
".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."
Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
I know that my jokes are never punny but...