My jokes

Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.

The waiter said, "What's that?"

I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.

Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.

I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Stranger.

Stranger who?

Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.

I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????

Nope. I'm moving to Japan.

KONNICHIWA

How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?

At least 13 because my basement is still dark.

I like my girls like my file systems...

FAT and 16.

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?

God, I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

9/11 is like me after I'm finished with my Lego house. I destroy it! 😄🤣

Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.

She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"