My jokes
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.
What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?
Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.
My balls when I see Tazzaro: boioioioioioing.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.