My jokes
The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.
In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Memes
My dad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
Suck my balls!
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.
My balls when I see Tazzaro: boioioioioioing.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
Sometimes I look at my butt for a really, really long time, and suddenly it all becomes clear to me.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Me: Spell "I cup."
My Friend: I see you pee.
Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!
My Friend: Oh hehe O-O