My jokes
My balls when I see Tazzaro: boioioioioioing.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Roses are red, I am Groot, Honey, where's my super suit?
My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.
Who wants to be my boyfriend, please?
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?