My jokes
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?
"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"
I like my women like I like my diving pool:
Deep and wet.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!
Memes
My dad left me.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
What is my favorite color? Yellow.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?