My jokes

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

Dababy in my dickle trickle when eating my pickle.

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orphan.

Orphan who?

Are you my mommy?

What is my favorite color? Yellow.

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Your Nan.

WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.