My Jokes

Hey, Mom, I am ugly.

"Facts," my mom says.

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*

A man with a serious face is looking towards the camera. The text "Me leaving the store with GTA VI in my mouth" is visible above him.

Cool kid: I slept with your sister.

Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.

Everyone else: :O

My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."

Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.

She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

Who likes penis?

My cousin!

My grades.

Haha, yeet my fuckin' meat!

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol