My jokes
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
Memes
Dear Kenya, love of life,
Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!
Love you a million times more!
Gwen I set out some chats for us just got to pr!
Btw I can't chat because I lost my internet stuff, so I am using my school computer. I don't have long, but I will make sure to have some time 4 u.
"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."
-Mully- This is my mom left!!
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
My teacher: Oliver will be transitioning.
Me: tRaNsItIoNiNg!!!!
My teacher: He will be transitioning from primary school to secondary school.
Me: I thought you meant another transitioning...
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"