My jokes
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
My life, part 2.
Dinosaurs be like:
".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
I love riding my bike 🚲.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Orphan: I want to kill my parents.
Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.
My brother truly is a numbskull.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.