My jokes
Gwen sassy: Hi here, my credit card. Don't get it wet, it is too much!
Unknown: Okay!
Gwen sassy: Man, I am late, can you move along! Much!
Unknown whispering: Sexy!
We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"
I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.
I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"