My jokes

My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

What did the rapper say to the computer?

“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”

Do you know what my favorite time of day is?

6:30, hands down.

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Little Johnny attends school regularly and often brings a box of sultanas as a gift to his favorite teacher.

One morning Little Johnny attends class without a box of sultanas.

The teacher enquires, why Johnny "where is my box of sultanas?"

Johnny replied, "Sorry, miss, my rabbit died."

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."

I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

MISSING MISSING!!! 😢😢

NAME: PRUNO PENANDES 👍🤝

MISSING: 27/6/21 VS BELGIUM 🤔🤔

LAST SEEN: DIVING AT OLD TRAFFORD, CRYING TO REFEREES🤬😿

POSSIBLE LOCATIONS: PENALTY SPOT🥅

"GIVE ME PENALTY”🤬🤬

"I ONLY STATPAD AGAINST FARMERS MY FRIEND"😁😁

Your PP is small, just like my will to live.

I suck my dick.

"My love, I missed you."

"Aww, I missed you too."

"I did not miss *that* time!"

Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.

My mom calls me.

Me: WHAT MOM?

No answer.

Me: WHAT?