My jokes

Q: Name a murderer?

Aborted fetus: My mum.

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut for me.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

Dababy in my dickle trickle when eating my pickle.

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

I fell in love with my teacher.

Which is weird because I am home schooled.

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds.

I want to see you wiggle wiggle, for sure.

Why did my brother cross the road?

Because he was looking for his brain.

Dick in my mouth.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

Yo, hairline is as accurate as my jump shot.

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!