My jokes
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.
I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
My brother truly is a numbskull.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
I love riding my bike 🚲.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.