My jokes

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

Who wants to be my boyfriend, please?

Roses are red, I am Groot, Honey, where's my super suit?

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.

My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:

Allah hu akbar.

Yo, hairline is as accurate as my jump shot.

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."