My Jokes

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

My dad left me.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

I like my women like I like my diving pool:

Deep and wet.

My life, part 2.

I know that my jokes are never punny but...

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

First Man: My dog's got no nose.

Second Man: How does he smell?

First Man: Awful.

The exam is knocking at my door... so I ran away from the window.

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

My will to live.

Dinosaurs be like:

".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orphan.

Orphan who?

Are you my mommy?