My jokes
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
My brother truly is a numbskull.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
Memes
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.
BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.