My jokes

Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.

There was a big problem yesterday.

My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

Freshfry, my friend, please talk to me!

Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

Alex, you will never believe this!!!!!!!!!! Please respond as quick as possible! To my love, Alex!