My Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair playing soccer?

Rocket League!

(Ali A Intro)

I like men.

Wanna smash?

Suck my balls.

I'm in class as I'm posting this ass joke.

This joke sucks terribly.

Honestly just like and leave.

Add me on discord.

IceyTrae#2230

Lebron>MJ

"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."

The image shows a series of posts. The first post asks, "Remember in college you were making out with Betty from your CompSci class and she put a finger up your butt. So you started questioning your sexual preference?" with a reply, "IT WAS MY FINGER BARRY!". The second post starts with, "Remember when you were jacking off with no clothes on for the first time just to try it out? Remember when your Mom walked by and saw everything, even though you were sure that you had closed the door?" followed by the reply, "It was me, Barry! I opened the door! And don't think for a moment that I didn't see everything too!!". The third post reads, "Remember that wet dream that ruined your favorite cartoon bed spread as a teen?!" with the reply "IT WAS ME, BARRY! I JERKED YOU OFF IN YOUR SLEEP!!"

My cousin called me ugly.

Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.

My friend is blind so he can "no see."

What does a Chinese guy say to the love of his life?

"You're the ying to my yang!"

Butt plug, oh butt plug, get out of me.

Butt plug, oh butt plug, get in my mouth, oh how I wanna taste you.

Oh, butt plug, oh butt plug, something is nutty.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.

My life, there, that was the joke.

Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?

Spread the love!

Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"

Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.