My jokes

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

I am Asian.

I am so Asian my pronouns are: heeEEE/Ya.

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

My mom picked my major.

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa saw it before you!

Daveon is my blud, cuh.

Wow! The jokes on here are so dark they pick my cotton!

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."