My jokes

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

El/11: Ego, My Lego.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

My peepee was big, now it's small.

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.