My jokes
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
Memes
Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.
My family is like a cactus. They're a bunch of pricks.
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. đ˘đ˘đ˘
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: Iâm going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: Whatâs wrong with you? Heâs the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Donât swear and okay, bud.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.đ
"HEY THATâS MY MILK!"
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
My dick harder than stone, man.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
I know this is supposed to be an emo joke, but does anyone want to play Rocket League?
I'm on PS4, by the way!
My name: Box3d_by_Clapped
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty âfriendâ.