My jokes

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.

El/11: Ego, My Lego.

"Mayotte’s are sinking in the yogurt! (My Oat’s)" 🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump

I have a new joke.

My life. Wait... jokes are supposed to have meaning.

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.

I broke my ankles so hard I had to walk uphill both ways.

I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.

So it can cut itself.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."