My jokes

My father can take a joke because he made one.

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

My respect for you didn't just go through the roof, it touched the fucking sun!