My jokes

"HEY THAT’S MY MILK!"

Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!

Fruit, vegetables, my arms.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

My live.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

My mom

My entire existence.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.