My jokes

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.

Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?

The guy was black.

Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.