Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"
My Jokes
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.
My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
