My jokes

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

MY NAME IS JEFFFFFFFF!

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.

Hey! My balls are on your thing!

My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.

Hi, are you even my sister?

Yes, I am.

No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.

It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.

The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!

All my 9/11 jokes crash and burn.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."