My jokes

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.

All I have to do is go to the Africa section.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.

Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.