My Jokes

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

My acquaintance, William.

Roses are red, violets are blue, My heart is dead, I’m such a fool.

I love my family.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

I love my new phone.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.