My jokes

My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.

All I have to do is go to the Africa section.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

Me and my life.

Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.

I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.