My jokes

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

Roblox Brookhaven be like:

"ABC if you wanna be adopted."

"ABC if you wanna be my friend."

"ABC if you wanna be a banker."

"ABC if you wanna rob the bank."

"ABC if you wanna date."

"ABC if you wanna sex."

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

Stop making jokes about 9/11. My dad died in 9/11.

Best pilot of Southern Arabia

Allahu Akbar.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ach.

Ach who?

Bless you!