My jokes

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

What did the naked man say to the naked woman?

"Suck my dick."

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Okay, I love reading Freshfry's conversations with random people. I love the ones where he has a full blown talking battle. I personally like reading them and I love reading them on my Chromebook while I play Call of Duty and Fortnite on my Xbox.

If you guys out there like reading Freshfry's conversations with random people, just comment and tell me. Talk to you guys later, watersharky out.

When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:

Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.

My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.