Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
My Jokes
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
My friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: No.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because you are a joke.
Friend: Your life is too...
Me: :)
Friends :)
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.
Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?
You: What?
Me: She let it go, let it go!
I made this game called Ligma. Say it, "Ligma."
Lick my balls.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.
Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
