My jokes

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

Wanna see my pp again?

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”

Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”

Boy: “Yeah, why?”

Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.

Still waiting on an answer.

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

Why did my parents walk to the other side?

...Why?