My jokes

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

I got jealous when my phone died.

What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?

I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

"Nancy be like I sucked my way to the top."

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?

Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.