My jokes

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

Wanna see my pp again?

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.