My jokes
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
Doin your mom doin doin your mom
You know we straight with doin your mom
I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.
Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.
I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Five minutes later she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.
I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.
She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.
Doin your mom doin doin your mom
You know we straight with doin your mom
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.
You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.
We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.
She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.
But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol
But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.
Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest
She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness
I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.
I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song
Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.
Doin your mom doin doin your mom
You know we straight with doin your mom
I'm havin' sex with your mother
That makes me better than you.
I'm havin' sex with your mother
That makes me better than you.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?
"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"
This is my fake ex. Proof he fake
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅
If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
My mom was 19 when she was pregnant with me, My mom was 39 when she was pregnant by me!!!
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?