My jokes
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?
His internet connection ran out.
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
Why is Daisy afraid of candles?
Watch my videos and find out!!! 🤸♀️🕯📷💰😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.
Memes
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
Spring is here, I got so excited, I wet my plants!
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?
I want them both in my mouth!
It's so cold, I mist bring my jacket.
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥
The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...
I really need some new parts to my go-kart.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"
"I think you should ask yourself that."
Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"
James replied, "He's as old as me."
Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."
James then said, "He became my father when I was born."
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.