My jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

I caught my wife having s*x with another guy.

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."

Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

Your PP is small, just like my will to live.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.

Bully: Oh, look at your shoes, look at your pants, look at your shirt, ay, ay, ay.

Me: Ding, ding, sing, oh, did you hear that? It's the elevator 'cause you're not on my level.

Bully: u_u ......

Crowd: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

What did the 3-year-old boy say to the priest?

"My bum hurts."

So here's Uranus, where's my anus?