My jokes

What were my great grandpa's last words?

"SHIT MG42!!!"

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

Why do my kids die?

Stinky Oussy :D

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"