My jokes
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Memes
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
"What's 9 + 10?"
"21" (lol XD)
Also:
"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)
One more thing:
Ninja has ligma.
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!