My jokes

Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

Me: My sister.

SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

Roblox jokes be like: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I should create a game.

*Creates game* bruh my game got to thousand hundred 700,000 likes!

😄😄😄

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.

When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."

Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

This didn't actually happen.

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.