My jokes

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

My depression is depressed.

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.

My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."