My Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

Theres my friends.....and then theres me

A drawing of three stick figure people with their hands bound by ropes, standing straight. One person in front of them is crouching, with a text bubble that says "I'm going to eat plastic". Above the three figures is the word "no".

Someone stole my balls :(

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

My brother when he sees a girl.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!