My jokes

My cock, lmao.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What do you call my sister?

Suicidal.

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

"Hee hee touch my pp."

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

Lick my nut.

I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...

My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:

I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!

My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."