My jokes

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.

I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.

My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.

What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?

"Billie Jean is not my lover!"

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

My dad killed Hitler.

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.