Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
My Jokes
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
Hello, if you don't know me (which you probably don't), my name is watersharky, or WS, or Shark.
I am a normal, weird kid/preteen, and that's it. If you want more info on me, I will gladly share! Shark out.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.
What’s black and white and dead all over? My Chemical Romance.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
