My jokes

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My friend Andrew once told me that "weird is high and drunk at the same time."

What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!

What does a Chinese guy say to the love of his life?

"You're the ying to my yang!"

I asked my friend Cammy what is 55+68 and he was to say it in words, he replied with "swebin".

My name is what orphans can never have.

Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"

She’s so nice.

I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.

Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.

I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

Cancer doesn't leave.

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.

My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.

My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

James, sike, I lied, your mommy is pancakes, is so dry.

My best friend: Joey, sike, I lied, your Twitch is dry.

My other friends: the winner is................. my guy James!