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One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

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    • I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.

    The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.

    I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

    Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

    Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

    I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

    I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

    What is black and white and red all over?

    Answer: A newspaper.

    That is what my 3-year-old told me.

    Me: Bomber333 is the imposter!

    Other Crewmate: Why do you say that as if you know who the imposter is with 100% certainty?

    Then he read my username and knew.

    I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

    Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

    Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

    So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

    Here [are] some questions firesharky:

    1. What color hair do u have?

    2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?

    3. What state [were] u born in?

    Do not say I don't know.

    "Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."

    Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

    Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.

    How do you know when an orphan is lying?

    When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."

    This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.

    - Do Re Mi- By- blackbear

    Do, re, mi, fa, so

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

    Do, re, mi, fa, so

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met

    I probably would just stay in bed

    You run your mouth all over town

    And this one goes out to the sound

    Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover

    Pay me back, or bitch it's over

    All the presents I would send

    Fuck my friends behind my shoulder

    Next time, I'ma stay asleep

    I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh

    And you got me thinkin' lately

    Bitch, you crazy

    And nothing's ever good enough

    I wrote a little song for ya

    It go like

    Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

    So fuckin' done with all the games you play

    I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

    Send the X and O's on another note

    I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

    If I could go back to the day we met

    I probably would've stayed in bed

    You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent

    Designer shoes and Xanax tabs

    Compliments your make-up bag

    You never had to buy yourself a drink

    'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime

    And you got me thinkin' lately

    Bitch, you crazy

    And nothing's ever good enough

    I wrote a little song for ya

    It go like

    Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

    So fuckin' done with all the games you play

    I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

    Send the X and O's on another note

    I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

    I wrote a little song for you, it go like

    Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

    So fuckin' done with all the games you play

    I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

    Send the X and O's on another note

    I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Do, re, mi, fa, so

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost