My jokes

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Your PP is small, just like my will to live.

Alex, you will never believe this!!!!!!!!!! Please respond as quick as possible! To my love, Alex!

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where is my tractor?"

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"