My jokes

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)

My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.

I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

Top 10 Cos:

1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.

"Hold my beer, watch this."

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.