My jokes
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.