New My Jokes - Page 150 - Worst Jokes Ever

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

Orphan: "My Parents."

Kid: I got homework.

Mom: Ok, so?

Kid: I got a F in my balls.

Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."