My jokes

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.

I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.

My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.

My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?

Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?

Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.